Fuck you, Little Orphan Annie!
A few posts ago, in Theory 514, I decrypted the shit out of a sign hidden within the Montreal metro. So exemplary were my code-cracking skillz, that I’ve been contacted by quite a few secret government agencies and bad ass computer hackers to help them be more awesome.
In the same vein, but in a far less made-up way, I received the following image from a friend of mine.
She asked if I could use my honed code-breaking skills to decipher the message of the sign in question. Being the kind of man I am, I told her no, fairly decisively I might add. But I soon relented after my better judgement and the police got involved. Plus, this one is just too delicious to not try…
- DAFUQ am I supposed to do??
(NOTE: Most of the following translations are based on a “left-to-right” rubric; however, for the benefit of my guests who read Arabic, Urdu, Japanese or any other dead language, I shall begin with a right-to-left interpretation.)
3.) In case your invisible Q*Bert is murdered by skeletons, teleport. Return wearing your favorite ski mask and low-cut v-neck top. Build a campfire and get the fuck out of there.
(And now from left-to-right.)
2.) In case you run into a room riddled with fire, stare at it blankly, but with a small measure of discontent. Then, jump into bed with another man for consensual homoerotic fornication. Kill him and hide his Christmas presents.
1.5) In case of pussies, fire or Mysterio, clone yourself and kill the Riddler.
1.) In case of time portal, set fire to a man slowly being eaten by an odd-looking fish from the bottom up and contact Bill & Ted. PIRATES! Choose the mystery box.
If you’re reading this … you ARE the Stevolution.
