Captain Israel flogged the offending Foreskin all over the place.
In the long, robust history of comic book-based throw-downs, there are only a few rivalries grand enough to be called epic: Superman vs. Doomsday, Batman vs. Bane, Howard the Duck vs. the principal from Ferris Bueller’s Day Off; the list goes on. However, not since the X-Men has the comic book world (whether in print or film) been this astonishing.
Behold, the battle that will, in the darkness of its nocturnal emission, rock the stained fabric of society to its very core: Captain Israel vs. Foreskin Man! Yes indeed, this one was a long time … coming.
I first came across Foreskin after my initial online inquiries into his archenemy, Captain Israel, fully intending to poke the latter and everything he stands for (which is to say, the dangerous far-right Zionist movement), with all sorts of red-hot fun-making. And then I saw him fighting a guy with a symbol of an uncircumcised penis on his chest. As you can understand, that’s when I got sidetracked.
Foreskin Man’s reply: “FOR …. SKIN!”
If you’ve accidentally left your TV on long enough to watch Al Jazeera’s offensively mind-numbing program, The Stream, you’ll know that Captain Israel is the joint effort of writer/illustrator Arien Schumer and Israeli activist group, Stand With Us, which is apparently “dedicated to informing the public about Israel and combating the extremism and anti-Semitism that often distorts the issues.” Sure it is.
Blessed with the strength of Samson, the wisdom of Solomon and bitten by a radioactive revisionist history, Captain Israel defends the hard right of his namesake using only his wits, his mitts and a large, flaming menorah! Oh, and the entire strength of the Israeli army. They also gave him a Star-of-David shield, although I’m not sure why they didn’t just use Captain America’s, since Israel’s been hiding behind the American flag for a while now.
Just look at that symbol! It’s what the Rebel Alliance crest could have been!
On the other hand is Foreskin. Now, I’m not sure what abilities he is … (ahem) … “endowed” with, as they remain hooded beneath the thick skin of mystery, but one can only assume that his true power is beneath the surface, coming to a head when the situation demands it. Apparently, Foreskin Man was drawn up from the wild and incredibly bigoted imagination of a guy called Matthew Hess, who not only once led a defeated San Francisco circumcision ban, but is also an obvious anti-Semite. I mean that term in its true sense, and not in the way Benny Netanyahu likes to use it to guilt the American people into supporting Israel. The main villains in Foreskin’s rogues gallery are not, as in the case with Captain Israel, anything as simple as “reality,” but instead fanged, sinister Rabbis obsessed with circumcision.
Picking sides in this epic battle is like being stuck between a cock and a hard place. In the case of Captain Israel, I think every nation is allowed one Captain so-and-so. Captain America, Captain Britain and Captain Canuck are all examples that this idea can work pretty well, but not at the expense of rewriting history to church up the ideas of a very one-sided, and in my opinion incredibly wrong movement.
In regard to Foreskin Man, I can almost see where he’s coming from. He and his sometimes associate, the appropriately named Vulva Girl (nope, not kidding!), are meant to do good work against forced circumcisions in places like Africa, as well as genital mutilation as a whole, and hey, I’m down with that. However, being a man who’s had his wings clipped, as well as someone who is against any kind of racism or stereotypically fucked-up or offensive presentation of a national identity, I just can’t stand with him either.
So place your bets and choose your sides as you like, but just remember … each one represents a very specific group of pricks.